Lyrics

When our fingers touch, damn it feels so cold,

maybe its just fate ,that's cruel and cold to our souls

and Going through this mill its killing me, its maiming me,  its tiring me, but for all the wrong heartfelt reasons i

still have to keep going.

have the faith they tell me to keep on giving in kind

Its killing me inside, just to see that your not mine.

I wish i was the reason for your smile,

But somethings you cant force and trial

they dont know how it feels to run a thousand miles

Maybe Its just me, and maybe its just you,

Like musical notes, we are so out of tune.

The clock is ticking but it wont bring my heart away from you

maybe one day it will all, it will all,  just fade to grey

So after we pray, when our heart starts to swell and we are unable to open our mouth and speak well

regrets we left burning in our wake

 let me finish the promise we made, the promise to keep u happy everyday i guess thats all i have to say



 did it listening to rhythm of korean leessang song 'tears'. I guess rap brings out what you truly feel in the end.

A man is but a product of his thoughts, what he thinks he becomes.

Hey so sorry for a late late post, to some maybe this blog is like lottery, the posts are so irregular and cold, hahahs let me jump into my life right now for those impatient people like you who cant wait for my new post haahahahs


1st semester of SMU is gonna end soon, the workload to revise is like a mountain. I am really genuinely not looking forward to it. So many things have happened and for an optimist like me, only the good one stays and unfortunately i take the bad ones and reflect it here for u guys to see hahahahs

Some point of our lives, our road seemed so clear yet at some point, the road seems so much dimmer and we start to realize that we are getting off track. Being academic wise and morally wise, it seems I have gotten off point to the extent, im looking at the mirror asking .. is this the person i wanna see in the mirror?

Im not sure if some of you felt this in some point of ur lives.

A man is but a product of his thoughts, what he thinks he becomes.   

This quote has been a source of strength in my journey to change for the better, hope it helps you get back on track as well.

And maybe to end of on a lighter note with my own quote hahahs
 Life is like doing squats in the gym, when the world weighs so heavy on you, you just need to stand back up ^^

one sentence post:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBnM5So55CQ

A very nice song that describes how it feels now :)

Another heart post

Has your heart desired something so much, even when you know it is wrong, you still go ahead for it?

Why is our will in our heart forever stronger than our minds?

Is it really wrong to follow your heart, even if it means hurting another in the end?

Have you ever felt that Something that should have been buried, all you dug up was disappointment in yourself?

Why cant we live so upright and well and independently?

Have you felt that the road down in so long but your heart just jumps in and out of it?

decisions decisions decisions~

Deciding what to do, when to do, what should i do.. i guess the list goes on. Choosing can be hard or easy, depending on how but most of the time choices are so hard  to make. Why is it hard? For me i guess uncertainty is the answer.. every single time i make a hard decision, my mind is constantly filled with uncertainty. We are constantly living in the world of certainty, isnt it also trying to make life easier?

My prof from SMU said last week,'we really should be accustomed to living in uncertainty.' Many a times, i feel he is right. I personally cant seem to say every easy decision i made had many doubts in them. Maybe humans can be accustomed to living and making uncertain decisions to a certain extent as well.

Deciding things, we probably just have to hang on and keep the faith we have in ourselves.
Have to go off now to settle the birthday party stuff and my presentation for tmr!wish me all the best yo! hahas have a whacky wednesday peeps!:DD

Life's too short for long post

This is gonna be a short one, a touch and go post.

Just reached home at 11:10pm. Class ended around 10pm and man WAS it stress. Did not manage to answer prof questions today, kinda disappointed with myself. Oh wells, will be more prepared next week.
#SMUCLASSPARTICIPATIONWOES

Anyway, tomorrow is a no school day. Gonna spend whole day on my presentation on MSG for thursday. EveN TURNED DOWN KEITH offer to gym.. feel abit bad but sorry bro needa score this!>< But frankly, i think tomorrow will exercise maybe 20-30minutes?:) at home hahas

Today was quite fun, except for business law. The other classes were interesting and good. Ate lunch and dinner at SMU kopitiam LOL like SERIOUSLY D: Their cai fan on the other hand isn't that bad hahas and its very save money! but will try bring home cooked food on a less hectic day~

Gymed today as well, hahas trying keep it within a 45minute time frame. So it aint too lengthy. Elgin and Jiesheng, the guys i gymed with halfway disappeared and they were resting in the toilet. Lol felt abit guilty cause i finished workout with one less set hahas but oh wells give and take eh :) Development has been good, protein shake seems to help abit? but yeah turning it to a healthy habit :)

Quite a post on ranting but yeah hahahs we have our ranting days eh:)
Peeps the usual, HAVE A GREAT DAY OR NIGHT whenever your reading this and keep smiling!:)

I should be studying hahahs just kidding

Finally managed to take out abit of time to do a post, hahas got inspired by wendy who praised my blog x) Nonetheless, was thinking of doing a short post on recent stuff that has happened in my life. I have completed the exams for the insurance course and now I am waiting for the contract. Its really a fruitful journey for me so far in that industry, really an eye-openeer. Who would have thought I would have made it this far, still remembering the day i said to myself during my first exam, 'IF I FAIL IM OUT !' Ended up I did pass my exam one after another and here I am. :)

Started school about 1 week ago, never regretted my choice of moving to SMU. I do miss my jc peeps that i would have met in NUS. Being a optimistic, I like to believe in blessing in disguise. when shit hits the fan , just turn the fan off kinda thing :) The learning style in SMU is like interactive, which i still find quite fun and enjoyable, except for biz law, its so thick AND THICK AND SO DARN THICK. The prof talks like theres no tomorrow as well D: i probably have to record her voice and play in slow-mo xD


Wanna talk about purpose in life. Recently just spoke to a friend about purpose in life for a brief moment in our long chat. Enjoyed it yeah :) She said whats your purpose? graduate earn money then go have family have kids then after that? It got me thinking what the hell is my purpose in life. Am i looking at the wrong things? I respect her purpose in life. Its basically related to her faith. Basically, I am a quite easily contented person hahas im judging my self. But yeah to me for me life purpose I feel for now is just to earn money support my parents and family, retire with my wife with just friday night movies and shopping for groceries together and stuff(who doesnt) and msot importantly make the people around me happy. Have you found yours? I hope you havent then we can be lost sheeps together. Not kidding. Hahas anw regardless of whether you found it or not, i feel that people should always keep the faith that their purpose of this life is not just paper-thin.

Sorry for the informal way and the many typos hahahs but its raw from my thoughts and im rushing for time. hahahs to end the post a quote form my prof from creative thinking ,'Laughter makes the world an easier place to live in.' DONT stop laughing :) have a great day <3

another day

Work has been quite slack, working like 3-5 days a week? Doesn't really feel like I am working. Yeah on the positive side, more time for myself and yeah its a double edged sword.

Why? Cause I can do the things I want but on the other hand ITS SO BORING. Went to library alone today to study, from 1pm to 530pm? I think i focused much lesser than that. Guess studying has not really settled down in my life yet xD

Studying japanese is kinda frustrating at some times, its like sometimes you study it but when people use it, its similar but different in a way. THE PROBLEM IS BECAUSE ITS SIMILAR, theres this feeling like you understand but not sure at the same time? Hopefully more progress can be made ><

Ohs, served this japanese customer that walked into the m1 shop, told him to use japanese not cause i wanna haolian hahahs but his english I could not understand at all. It was still a duck and chicken talking, but better in a sense he can speak more easily while I'm the duck trying to understand the chicken now.
Manage to sell him a sony phone, which was quite an achievement unblock for me ^^.V
woohoo yeah anw that about sums up the boring week i had :\ yeah till next time babes~

You need to be happy to live, I don't

When we grow, apart from the big hoo-hah of the 21st birthdays, responsibilities starts to dawn upon me.

Its like I'm constantly sub-consciously irritatingly, thinking of how to make money. My mind is starting to realize many things, I guess the importance of really manning up and bringing in more dough to support the 'weight' on the shoulders. Gawd especially when i do things it will link to money, FOR EXXAMPLE-.-When I study my Japanese I will be like, oh so I'm studying this for ~ then my mind makes a list on how useful I'm gonna use Japanese language in my future next time.

Constantly reminding myself also, to make best use of time, like not wasting it, but at this age, it seems so abundant to me. Its like telling a 5 year old child to eat slowly from a jar of cookies? hahahas anw really cheers to everyone studying and fighting so hard for the future. Ganbatte yo!!

Just for those who feel abit down right now wherever you maybe:)
Keane reeves(actor) once said,' You need to be happy to live, I don't.'

No matter how you feel, never forget we have the strength to ALWAYS pull it through.(Cliche but true)

Time edited*

I am back from WORK~ hahahs yeah first day was pretty good, a lot of IT stuff I do not know and alot of procedures to learn. The first step is never easy yeah ?:) Its an 11 hour shift, so yeah when your back, you have this message in the back of your head:' there is NOT MUCH TIME LEFT'.

I realize sometimes more things get done with lesser time, maybe its because you know your supply of time is running low, so you really put everything into what your suppose to do and stuff like that. Compared to when I was not working, I would like idle pretty much and I mean maybe that wasn't very wise of me yet.
Just a short post and yeah heres some taiwan pictures!:))

 famous soybean stall~

 want abite?

 Here's another one~

 Jay chou cafe

awesome menu~ but ambience nice onli~ ;\

03.04.2013
Hey decided to continue this post as this was too short! woke up this morning to the crazy screaming of my dad, yeah I admit sometimes you scream at me, Its my fault. However, come on la~ morning no need so choing right?-.- anw yeah bad start to the day, 11 hours are passing surprisingly fast. Honglim centre at chinatown really HAS DAMN GOOD FOOD!(y)

Probably gonna try wake up earlier so can work out and stuff. Is there some parts of your life like, you let go of someone important only to feel that they are important later? Some say its because your just not used to having the person around or maybe the other is because you like them. I really wonder, why do humans(or maybe its just me) do things then and regret it later? There is reason why I pushed the person away from me, but now that the person is gone. I feel like those reasons does not count anymore, or maybe loneliness plays apart as well.On a lighter note, just gonna follow what my heart decide eh:)

have a good night everyone~peace.

Judgement < acceptance

Its said the minute you see or meet someone, your 1st impression is made, and a judgement will be made about him or her. I hate it the most when people say 'don't judge me please', or even worse 'I wont judge anyone'. Are you really such a saint?

It got me wondering, why do we all need to judge, is it built in us? Why cant we live and accept each other ugly, beautiful, thin or fat. Even I confess, its so much more easier to talk to a beautiful lady compared to a fat one. Some say judging makes the world so much more uglier, horrible a place where its difficult to be who you are. We cant stop anyone from judging because even in its simplest form, such as buying a book just reading its summary.IS judging desyo? That's the simple hard reality of judging.

Maybe we should just stop focusing on this word judging, focus more on this word accepting, accept them for who they are inside and outside. Its hard, I cant do it myself, but to a certain extent I believe we can be much better accepting souls?:)

Maybe the world is made uglier by us judging, maybe the world is made much better by us accepting as well, you choose:)
Judging was never a bad thing, I guess it gives us humans another mean to gauge another human soul.
However its bad if you stem out acceptance based on your judgement.
#justsayingandranting :)

Do not read this post!

 Our hostel awesome cable tv

 Cosy eh ;)

 Dining area which we never really used

Peace!

Hi, If your reading means I have succeeded in tricking you to read this :)

Just met up with Zhenyu and Shawn last night for a cheap quick dinner. It was good seeing us together like this again, with the exception of jonathan who hasn't ORD yet. Shawn is doing property course now, working hard studying and stuff while me and Zhenyu are like 'wake up in the morning feeling like peetdiddy' (Kesha song)

Then they asked me ' Darren how do you spend your day?'
' I wake up 10pm spend 1hr plus sending resume for job here and there then 12pm go eat lunch, watch my afternoon show till 2pm, take a nap, 4-5pm wake up research on civil or mech engineering course, 7pm mom comes home have diner.... and yeah it pains me to carry on.'

CAUSE ITS SO FREAKING UNPRODUCTIVE.
It suddenly dawned on me, if a mother can ask to her child.' You sure you like this man? Hes so childish, can you see a future with him?'
You know some work needs to be done. I don't blame the mom, but I thank her for those constructive feedback.(well not feedback but people tell me so yeah) You know some comments that fire you up? In an angry way and You feel like you could use it as a motivation? Well, I'm gonna use it well.

Cheers for those struggling to make a change in their lives :) Lets work hard for the future (y)<---thumbs up sign

Nil.

Must I come up with a post title???? How about Nil

Nil... hmmm word that is aka zero aka nothing aka nobody. Zilch!

ok random stuff  about NIL REPLY. You know the type of feeling that, 'Is it so hard to reply, I look like a fking fool for rpelying'

 hahahs when i create a group chat, is it just me but in a group chat..DOES ANYBODY GIVE A FUCK?!!?!? Not everyone but some people don't really reply? Or the convo goes on for a while then it dies.

EG: Planning a friend birthday.. RSVP! WHY CANT U FREAKING TYPE NO OR YES?!?! hahahas I'm not telling you to suck a dick while your typing right?!?! HAHAHS sorry just me and my angst, NO friendships or stuff were killed or thrown away during angst mode.

Anw yeah enough of the rant. Hmm just got a job at m1. Finished the interview in the morning and hopefully everything goes well. Not well also have to work hahas societal woes~ Yeah its gonna be interesting working with haoming and gunawan Real Interesting. CANT WAIT. So april gonna start, means FREE TIME! hahas other than that, been trying to incorporate workout and my reading into my 'busy' life style.

Time to hit starbucks!^.^Heres some random taiwan peektures! enjoy!

 Shifen waterfall and sunset FREAKING NICE

 outside beijing 101

Shilin nightmarket food! im holding(left) CHICKEN BUTT which taste like crispy lard first 5 seconds, then theres this foul smell in your mouth.. so yeah ><

A thought and a feeling equates an action

Hey darlings~

Yes I am blogging again. Guess its pretty good therapy for the soul and reflection.

Still finding a job. I mean its FREAKING hard. (maybe I'm fussy) Anw it dawned on me that all my past jobs were from introduction and through friends and bosses except for the manhattan fish market. So yeah got a lot to be thankful for :)

Even a few of my friends that are commited to enjoy their ORD, are finding jobs as well. Asked them why suddenly wanna find job. The reason mainly was low on money and yeah I mean it gets boring. For me, its downright low on cash and the fact that its boring and you cant possibly spend money and not earn right? It's not rocket science.

If you ask me I kind of regretted quitting the job, a lot has been learnt from the incident as well. So i will suck it up and CONTINUE trying to chase the employment title!:) Have a pleasant night people.:)

When the caterpillar thought it would die, it became a butterfly.

HELLO~
The unemployed talking here! yeah finding a new job now, I guess now the fire to get a job has been re-lighted. Hmm making a point to have more discipline within me, which I heard from somewhere, someone ' Discipline is doing things you know you have to do, even if you don't feel or want to do it.'

MMMM true that, just that yeah i hope I am consistent in making the change within me. Keeping these words in mind, TODAY I started to work out again .. GAWD has it been long. Plus studying a bit more diligently my Japanese because lessons are getting crazier. My trading books have been feeling a bit cold, so yeah tomorrow I will warm it up.


I guess I am finding myself on the track again, after ORDING AND GOING TAIWAN T^T. But hey all good things have to end. Feeling better as well, cause when you know you are back on track, there's a sort of feeling you get like your life is not wasting? Feels like a ray of hope. Okay I am getting too emotional here, anyways yeah EVERYONE have their struggles, so just hold on and keep going, cause when you think your a caterpillar about to die, the next moment you could be a butterfly :)

ON the lighter side
Are you like staring at your com? tabbing through facebook, youtube w/o really anything in mind to senselessly spend your night away?
HERE IS  a link
http://watchgakinotsukai.blogspot.sg/

watch the no laughing game! Freaking funny! hahahs perfect for these kind of nights that you just want to nua away~ sleep smiling peeps!cheers :) ohs theres eng sub :)) HAVE A GOOD NIGHT

What I learnt from Mr march.

Hey it's been a while, it's been crazy and many shit loads has happened. I mean shit loads of good and bad stuff. That's why i guess its time to do some self reflection as a human being. During this month of march, many events happened. I just got back from Taiwan and Taiwan was really crazy and fun. First time going out overseas with friends, you know that pumping feeling where you feel good cause you got this damn feeling your like grown up and you can do ANYTHING you want overseas and just enjoy with your friends. Definitely missed Taiwan and really hope to go back there, cause wasted one day puking and shitting there due to food poisoning... fml right? Nopes gonna use LML love my life. To cut long story short, came back from Taiwan, got a job within next two days and worked for 2 days and I quitted.. why u might ask? Why quit a 1.8k job which for part time pay is kinda high?

 Its not an excuse for me to quit so irresponsibly but the reason is because the hours are longer then they were and maybe deep inside I just felt awkward and not familiar (of course all new jobs would be like this)and worst of all I did not check if there was any OT pay. Just working two days in training, we are supposed to give 7 days notice however, if i work the rest of the seven day bt it would not mean anything because they would be training me for nothing right? I'm not sure what would happen but hope everything will turn out well.><


 Really learnt that pre prep or pre pre prep is really important regardless whatever your doing, even if its the thing we hate to do the most or the last thing we ever want to do. Been pretty stressed over this quitting of job, immense guilt will follow and sometimes what seems as the easy way out, isn't actually the easiest way out. Mentally there is gonna be something called the conscience and sometimes I mean damn I really should grow so much more morally inside.Previous post keep fucking posting about building inside and in the end ended losing sight of that, Now i know why people say never forget the reason. To be a better man.


 Really need to start voicing myself and opening myself up more in a positive way, and get out of this freaking!#@%@!@@ SHY culture shit. Always ask, never be afraid, damn these seems like basics of communication. Learning how to decide things morally and just being more responsible... Saying these things might give you a disgusting image of me. But hey that's the truth and really i just wanna be more open about it, in order for myself to admit it and hopefully change it to the best of my abilities. Maybe the next post i put up will be about the positive changes I have succeeded, nonetheless really hope april will be the month of change and thank you mr march, I'm gonna make the best use of you and likewise with every other month.

T.T.M(Thoughts to myself): Hope for the strength to make these changes happen and grow more responsible for the people and things I hold dear to.

Loneliness with Zest of regrets

Its been a pretty good past 2 weeks for me, operation in camp is starting to roll in. Holidays are kinda over, waiting for our next bestest friend MR CHINESE NEW YEAR. AND ORD!! But yeah ain't gonna think too much about it or its gonna feel longer.:) Just booked tickets to Taiwan flight for march! You think planning an outing is hard? Try plan the flights ALONE and book it whilst calling your friends to update them on 2 fucking phones, yeah I'm a proud fucker. (not complaining just boasting :P)

FYI:SCOOT HAS CONVENIENCE FEE OF 72 DOLLARS SO PLEASE GUYS BE CAREFUL!

Workouts has been average so far these past 2 weeks, trying to push my game. Feels like I'm at a plateau right now. Probably going to start to incorporate interval training into the workout.D: Yes, it sucks. But what ain't gonna challenge you ain't gonna change you right?:) DAMN, the temptation to buy protein has been in my mind. Thank god its expensive cause that's the pushing factor for that idea to fuck off from my brain so yeah it is also partly why i decided to push more in workouts, get out of comfort zone plan  \m/ ^^ \m/


Today was one of the days after my medical appointment, stayed home. Yes stay home, boring eh. When you stay home, nothing much to do, shit starts to pop up in your head. Loneliness was what came up, being alone really makes one fear loneliness, and who doesn't? I guess its human nature to want to feel loved popular and bundled in warmth. Loneliness seems to be the enemy of that. But what should i have done to shoot loneliness in the head? Order a girl on ebay or buy a book to enlighten me on amazon?

Yeah and of course some decisions I regretted in life seems to surface up. Don't you sometimes feel that some decisions you chose could have changed a huge part of your life, probably make you less lonely? And its like a baggage that even regardless of time, still comes back to 'tease' you. I'm not gonna welcome this baggage with open arms but much as my heartaches with numbness when it comes back, I'm trying to learn from these regrets and hopefully less regrets in life will be made.

Conclusion: loneliness comes along with a zest of regrets(in relationships) that helps to remind us of our mistakes and not repeat them, much as we fear it, we cant deny that it does actually helps us to be stronger in our future and maybe a little less lonely next time.